


Other Realms, or Loki's Turn to Drive

by jbmae17



Series: Loki and Lyssa [3]
Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 22:18:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15805653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jbmae17/pseuds/jbmae17
Summary: Loki, Lyssa, and Harry travel the worlds. Written before Thor: Ragnarok and Infinity War.





	1. Chapter 1

“And here I died.”

We were staring down at a patch of black sand identical to every other square mile in all directions on Svartalfheim. On the promise of being shown something important, we had walked in silence for what had seemed like hours before reaching the spot that looked no different than where we started. Loki’s skills as a tour guide needed some refinement.

Harry was just as uninterested in the place his father officially fell. He was crouched on the ground trying to make a castle. He knew sand and what to do with it, but this stuff, far from any water to set it, was nothing like what he was used to and I could see the frustration building on his little face.

“How did you get away with disappearing? Didn’t they look for a body?” I had already heard the story but this part he never explained.

“I conjured an illusion over one of the fallen elves.” He turned so I couldn’t see his face. “No one but my mother would have noticed the difference, and they took care of that complication for me. I was not laid in state, I was not given a send-off as due a prince of the realm. I was ordered to be disposed of in the coldest time of night- best fitting my Jotun heritage, I suppose. My family was not present. My brother must have thought his tearful farewell enough and there was no need to revisit me. And my father. Let’s just say he remained true to his nature.”

Now he flashed me a smile. “Since they considered me no one, I now have great pleasure in freely becoming anyone. Odin still waits for Thor to return chastened and begging forgiveness. I have been both the sender and recipient of false information to keep a certain amount of chaos throughout the realms. I have become each of the Warriors Three to tell each other slanders and boasts. They refuse to fight together these days and they all wait in vain for my brother to grow tired of playing the lovesick swain to a simple Midgardian and lead them again. Until then, I control all realms.”

I already knew most of this, having seen him in action, shifting from one face to another to lay needles of insult under the skin and twist knives of doubt. Svartalfheim was our home base but he kept on the move and occasionally took Harry and me along.

“Nothing much to control here,” I said, wishing we could have found a little nook in regular old Alfheim instead. Now that was a beautiful place, not this desert.

“And that is why no one will look for us here,” said Loki. “In the great battle between Malekith and Bor, the ships of the Dark Elves crashed back upon the ground and as the sun hit their bodies, they turned to stone and were crushed under the wreckage. This realm is a graveyard with no one to mourn the lost.”

I lifted my foot. “Seriously? These are bits of Dark Elves? You knew this last night when you insisted we… there are bits of petrified elf still stuck in my hair? You let Harry play in this?”

We turned to Harry, or to where Harry was a moment ago. A rise in the horizon moved and turned into a toddler rushing toward us with something red in his hand. I sped to close the distance between us, thinking in this dark place it had to be blood, but when I dropped to my knees before him, he simply stopped and handed me a flower.

“Where did you get this, child?” asked Loki behind me. I could hear something underneath his calm.

“It was running away in the wind,” said Harry. “I caught it. Pretty, Mama?”

The fronds were delicate and moving in the wind. It was pretty. I certainly hadn’t seen anything like it before.

“It’s not poisonous or anything, is it?” I asked, trying to figure out Loki’s discomfort.

“No, no,” he answered, and held out a hand so I could right myself and stand up again. “It’s an Alfheim feather blossom. They bloom in only one place in the realm for a few days a year. I used to collect them and distribute them for a price.”

Now I could see a cause for worry. “How did one get here? Are they in season?”

“No, they are not. This one has been held for months now.”

“It couldn’t have been here all this time?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“Without the proper care, they only last a day. It couldn’t have survived.”

“So, someone dropped it in the last day or so. Is there any reason anyone would come here?”

“There is nothing of value here. Except… there is a place I meant to show you, but now I think it will have to wait.”

This next question was going to be tough, but I was going to ask it anyway. “Maybe someone left it for you? This is where you died, after all.”

“No,” he answered immediately. “No one would mourn my passing. Left in celebration, possibly, but as tribute, no. Let us return. We are far from camp and it is late for Harry.”

He shifted back into the bland persona he used when traveling the realms and hurried us away.

*-*-*


	2. Chapter 2

Now I knew something was wrong. Loki never called Harry by his name. It was always, “my son” or “the child.” I’m sure he thought an offspring of his needed a grander name, harder to spell, but that was out of his control.

Harry clung to my neck but was working his way forward to reach for Loki’s shoulders. He was the better transport, but if we weren’t alone he needed his arms free to strike. As with the trip over, he said nothing, but instead of it being a way to raise suspense, now he was lost in his own thoughts and we would only distract him. I scanned the horizon as best I could and searched for movement but as far as I could tell, we were still alone.

When we arrived back at our camp nestled in a cave beyond the reach of the weak light, I placed Harry down on his blankets and returned to where Loki was pacing at the edge.

“Is this bad?” I asked. Before he had painted any discomforts are part of the adventure, but now he was outright concerned and I knew there rarely was an eventuality Loki hadn’t foreseen.

Though he had turned to face me when I approached, he kept silent. This was another worry. Loki was usually quick to assure me he had everything in control. I had only the faintest grasp on what was involved in the balances and alliances between nine different realms and then there were outside players, especially the one behind Loki’s mission when I met him. I had no idea who could be trusted and where we could go. Home was not the safest option, I knew that much. Sure, out in the reaches of space, the threat of S.H.I.E.L.D. seemed like nothing, but they were no less of a danger than the others. I wondered how we had been upgraded once they found we were missing. Any glimpse of our faces anywhere on the planet had to be set to trigger an alarm. No, our Midgard days were over.

"Loki, you're scaring me," I said outright. He needed to tell me he had a plan. I was dependent on him for everything, and even though I knew that was the deal I had made, I had also made it impulsively and my lack of freedom wound tight around my neck sometimes.

He smiled and stretched out an arm. This was one more piece of non-comfort. I was not held close in absent affection. This was his way of distracting me so he had more time to think.

"No need to worry," he said as I laid my head against his shoulder. "I simply need to know if this..." he held out the blossom, still in his other hand, "is a tribute or a signal. There is one person who might be able to assist. Most likely all questions will be answered then."

"Where do we need to go to find this person?" If we weren't safe here, where it was didn't matter but still I'd prefer not to head back to the ash of Muspelheim. Each time I had to stand on the peak of the tallest mountain afterward until my lungs lightened.

"Your favorite place," Loki replied. "He should be found at The Outpost."

He wasn't wrong. I felt comfortable in the tavern set in its own little fortification in the hills of Alfheim, a little city unto itself where the expatriates could gather and leave the native elves to their wilderness. It reminded me of home. It had the type of environment I was used to at Carmen's with its buzz of the crowd, the music fighting to be heard above it and the smell of alcohol in the air.

"And you’re certain he’ll be there." Loki met with all sorts in The Outpost. It was a place for every type of transaction, information carrying just as much weight as goods from Vanaheim or ice from Niflheim.

"We might not find him the first night, but he won't stay away for long. There is too much to compel him to visit."

"Are we coming, too?" The thing with being constantly on the move and trusting only in each other was there was a distinct lack of babysitters. If Loki needed me along, then we had to plan around Harry.

"Of course. I will not leave you both here alone. We will all travel together until circumstances dictate otherwise."

This was good. Although our little cave wasn't as uncomfortable as it might sound, the thought of a room at The Outpost with a bed and someone else cooking sounded like a nice change. I knew Loki could summon us any luxury if I only asked, but I didn't want to ask. I didn't mind. I had done enough camping in my youth. I liked the thought of being able to leave everything behind. Once I had done that with my home and everything I knew, a spot on the ground didn’t hold much claim on me.

The heat from the fire and the crowd met us not long after the noise. By now the men at the door recognized us and let us in with only a cursory look at our belongings. Violence was discouraged within The Outpost, though that rule was flexible. As soon as Harry's feet touched the rough wooden floor he made a line for the stage. That kid loved music and one of the performers immediately bent down and handed him a tambourine. He sat on the edge, shaking it happily. Loki left my side to get our room settled and I found empty seats at a table by the window. The view wasn't much, only about five feet between the wall and the surrounding fence, especially in the growing dark, but I liked not being in the middle. It was easier to observe everyone from here. Loki stopped by with two mugs but didn't sit down.

"I don't see him yet, but it is still early. I have secured us a room on the other side of the courtyard, number three." He held out a large brass key. "If you or the child get fatigued, it's not far."

"Thank you," I answered, taking the key and placing it in my pocket. "You're not going to stay with me for now, brother?"

Loki had insisted our cover was the young widow mother and her brother, to give us "flexibility" in our travels. At first it stung me- I wasn't good enough to be his undercover wife? but I had to accept that this was the truth. He didn't love me, and that distance was going to be there. Of course, I'm sure it raised a few eyebrows on the other side of thin walls when he decided to skip that part of the ruse and slam me against the door as soon as Harry was put to bed, but it wouldn't happen here. We were too well-known in this place, it wouldn't be risked.

"No. I have other sources and contacts to meet with to pass the time."

He stepped into the crowd and I watched Harry trying to pluck the strings of a lute with some help from its owner. He seemed happy. None of the constant travel and new wonders upset Harry in the slightest. I would even say he thrived on it. He spoke more, he bit less and, I couldn't be sure about this, it was even possible he was already picking up on some of Loki's magic.

"Is this chair occupied?" asked a voice.

"I'm not alone," I answered and turned to find a man already seated next to me, all tousled blonde hair and leather. The men around here certainly loved their leather and metal.

"Of course you're not, a woman as beautiful as you are, but I have travelled a great distance and would be so pleased if you would let me rest here if only for a moment."

I knew it was a line, I knew this man was as slick as oil, but the sight of him triggered a pull in me I hadn't felt in ages, not since I was younger and definitely not since Loki and Harry. It was pure lust. I didn't care if this man rescued orphans from dragons or he was the one who set them out as bait in the first place, I wanted to touch him.

"Take as long as you like," I said and was rewarded by him inching the chair closer to me so that he could whisper in my ear.

“I’ve seen you in here before, haven’t I?”

"I don't know," I answered. "I think I'd remember seeing you before."

He liked that. "Is that so? What would make me so memorable?"

Damn, this was why I was no good at flirting. He wanted an answer. "Oh, I don't know, you don't look as rough as some of the others in here. That is not your battle wear." His leather jacket was open, not designed to protect, and his shirt exposed his neck and the edge of his collarbone.

He raised his rough hands, oh of course they were rough in these worlds, where there were no such things as office moles who never saw the light of day, and he saw my eyes wander over the lengths of each finger.

"You are correct. Tonight I was planning on other types of conquest."

_Woman, he's telling you right now he's on the hunt and it doesn't matter who. You used to have more respect for yourself than to want one of them, but now, now you're considering him as a trophy, a memory to hang on the wall when Loki is long gone and Harry's grown up. I can see your thoughts and you know you can't bend like that._

"Anyone in particular?"

"What about her?" He pointed toward the old innkeeper right at the front of the stage, clapping her hands in time with the music.

"You can't discount experience," I answered.

"True," he responded. "What about her?"

I noticed but said nothing as his hand passed over a trio of well-dressed women in the center of the room already surrounded by male attention. I had a feeling he had already been there. The woman he singled out was nearly in the lap of the man next to her. They weren't aware of anyone else in the room and the gold on her hand was still shining and unscratched.

"You seem like a man who enjoys a challenge."

"I've been the victor in more complicated circumstances," he admitted. "What about you?"

"I wouldn't have a go at her," I answered. "I don't like redheads."

His eyes lit up. "Ahh, I will remember that. What do you like?"

I couldn't help it. My eyes covered every inch of him as my mind wondered about the touch and taste. I opened my mouth to answer when my son hurled himself onto my lap, the tambourine in his hand nearly breaking my nose. Any air of mystery and sensuality I had dissipated in the arrival of Hurricane Harry.

“Mama! Look!”

I pushed the instrument away from my face. “Very nice.”

My companion’s eyes swept over Harry and back to me, a visible hitch in his smolder now.

“I told you I wasn’t here alone,” I said.

“So you did,” he said. “I expect your husband will be along soon to join you as well?”

He wasn’t a man to be deterred by a phantom husband, but one breathing down his back might make him get up and leave. I didn’t want him to get up and leave.

“I have no husband, never had one.” It was easy to slip into this fancy way of talking around here.

He raised one golden eyebrow.

“My child was conceived in love, just not mutual love. That can’t be an unfamiliar tale.”

“That’s why I tend to avoid love- too many complications and… reminders, but affection,” He let loose a broad grin. “I am a great believer in affection and I am quite generous with that.”

“I had figured as much.”

Harry leapt down and ran back to the stage. One large hand covered mine, trapping it to the table and I did some quick calculations on how much area it could cover on other parts of my body.

“There is a room upstairs, if you think the child would be safe here for a while, where we could connect more intimately.”

I wanted nothing more than to connect at that moment. I scanned the room looking for Loki so that I could give him a signal that he was up for parental duties, secret mission be damned, but I couldn’t find him. It was possible he was wearing another face or had slipped out on his own.

“I have a room as well. If I could set my son to bed first, it would only take a minute.” With the amount of adrenaline running through his little toddler body, it might take more than a minute, but ever since Loki had returned, Harry went to sleep easily and soundly.

“Shall I accompany you or wait for your return?”

A hand dropped on my new friend’s shoulder.

“This is no place to find a reputable man, so I knew you would be here, Fandral,” said Loki.

*-*-*


	3. Chapter 3

Fandral reached for his sword as he turned, but as he saw the stooped back and lined face Loki had layered upon his own, he stretched out both arms and smiled just as wide.

“Valin, I should have suspected it was you! Any particular venture on your mind these days, old friend?"

"Not as particular as yours," answered Loki with only a glance over me. "However, now that I see you, I am wondering if you could be of assistance?"

"Anything. Anything at all." Fandral kicked out a chair so that Loki could sit, but he sidestepped the moving furniture and remained on his feet.

"I know of a man in need of a harp- one of those called by the name of the Beard of Bragi. I know that you and your group are fond of collecting items of interest along your quests. Have you by chance seen one?"

Now what the hell was this? A harp? I thought we were after feather flowers and possible assassins. I kept my face blank as they kept talking, no need to really pretend to be bored with the conversation. If Fandral wasn't Loki's contact, and how would I know since he never told me anything, then we were wasting time. He specifically said our safety was in danger and that was the mission I was on.

That's not true, your mission was to hop onto a stranger, not even knowing if he was a threat. You would have left Harry alone for something you get pretty regular, just because Loki was honest and said he didn’t love you.

Now the rush of excitement was definitely gone. I rose from my seat, causing Fandral to rise as well.

"Good night," I said to them both, my eyes already on Harry.

"So soon?" asked Fandral. "I thought we were still connecting?"

I was not going to check out Loki's reaction to that. "Sister, I must insist you stay," he said.

"Sister? This creature is related to you?"

I had no idea which one of us Fandral was directing the question to. I sat back down. "What do you need from me, brother?"

"Fandral was telling me he knows of a place where I can find a Beard of Bragi, but he seems unwilling to actually show me the way. There is not enough to convince him to take the time, he says, but I told him that wherever I go, you follow."

I didn't see how making me part of the selling price was going to work when Fandral was about to get me for free a moment ago, but his wide eyes caught the faint candlelight as I nodded in agreement.

"I do as my brother wishes. Is it far?"

"Not too far, we would arrive after a few nights under the stars."

That sounded promising. Stars meant it wasn't likely the smog of Muspelheim or the mist of Niflheim, but nights meant something much different than if he had measured it in days. Would Loki really sit by the fire as I entertained his guest?

"Shall we meet again in the morning?" asked Loki. "Best to get an early start."

"If it were anyone but you, Valin, I would say no," replied Fandral. "Yet I owe you." He turned to me. "Your brother could see to the little one tonight?"

"Not tonight, Fandral. I'm afraid my sister should sleep in her own room if we have an arduous journey ahead. Come Lyssa, go fetch the child."

I glared at Loki as I left the table and headed toward Harry. I could make my own decisions, even if he was probably right. Better to wait and see if Fandral really would take us where we needed to go and I had to find out more of Loki’s plan before the next day.

Fandral was gone and Loki was waiting by the door when we returned. Harry reached out for his father’s arms and Loki let him curl up against his chest as we walked across the courtyard to the bank of rooms, not too different from the New Orleans hotel we had stayed in. The heavy key took some muscle to turn in the old lock, but I managed it and stepped out of the way so Loki could place Harry in the small cot under the window. Candles flickered to life as he passed them.

"If I had told you my plan in advance you couldn't have done better," Loki said and it was hard to tell if he was being sincere.

"So Fandral was the mark all along? You could have mentioned it."

"If he was going to arrive, he was going to head straight for you. It was easy enough to simply wait."

"Because he'd already made the rounds with everyone else?" I asked.

Loki's shrug was enough of an answer.

"So you just dangled fresh meat in front of him to see if he'd bite? Glad I could help."

"He would have agreed anyway. He owes me a debt, but you were clearly incentive."

"I noticed. So how is looking for this harp going to tell us who left the flower?"

"It may seem hard to believe," said Loki, seating himself at the edge of the bed and extending a leg so that I could remove his boot. "At one time Fandral could have been considered a friend. Not long ago were days when I joined my brother and his companions on their expeditions and quests. Because of this, Fandral knows the location of one of my storehouses. In it, along with a number of Alfheim feather blossoms, is a harp that is indeed strung with hair from the beard of Bragi, not a replica but Fandral doesn’t know this. It was a proud day when I walked out of the hall with that under my arm. Bragi is what you would so charmingly refer to as an asshole. We have had our share of battles of wits and though he has never won, he refuses to believe that. In any case, this journey serves many purposes. First, I will be able to see if Fandral does indeed take us to my own storehouse and thus prove himself to be disloyal, even in my death. Second, I can count the blossoms I have stored to see if someone has taken from my collection. Third, if these first two are true, we can find out who else he has told about my treasures."

"This seems like a long shot," I answered. "Couldn't this mystery person have gotten the flower from somewhere else?"

"It is possible, but not likely. They are very difficult to obtain and preserve. There are not many others besides myself who have even tried, hence their great value."

"And it's not a hard journey? Harry can handle it?" I dropped the second boot to the floor but Harry didn't even move in his sleep.

"It's nothing," answered Loki. "We've been through more trying terrain. I had been planning for us to travel there anyway so that I could pick up some other items, but now we can kill many birds with one stone."

"He's not a danger?" I asked. "We'll be safe around him?"

"You are safe anywhere I am," Loki answered. "Fandral is not a danger, not that you knew this earlier when you were about to hurl yourself onto him."

I ducked my head.

"Yes, I saw it. Your eyes were as wide as coins, your neck was flushed and your fingers twitched to touch him. I thought of the man in the bar in Newer Leans who tried to take you from me."

"You mean the undercover S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who was tracking us? I sure can pick them."

"Good thing I chose you then," Loki said.

"Did you really though?” I looked up at him from my position at his feet. “I kind of threw myself in your path to keep you from causing any pain to my friends."

"I didn't have to use you. I could have killed you and still done as I wished if you had displeased me, but your bravery and quick thinking impressed me."

"I don't know if it was either one of those."

"You do what you think is best for others. I can't say I quite understand, but you've proven yourself to me over and over again."

I was sure he wouldn’t see me blush in the low light. "And now you've sold me off to go somewhere you already know about."

"Don't act like it was against your will. You were offering yourself without anything in return before I approached."

"I was expecting something in return. You wouldn't understand."

He held out his hand to help me up from the floor. I lifted myself and sat down on the bed next to him.

“How could I not understand? You saw something you wanted and you were willing to take it. As long as you made sure Harry was cared for, how could I find fault? I know you weren’t looking for sentiment, and I wasn’t offering you to just anyone. I know Fandral will treat you well for as long as we need him.”

I knew it wouldn’t happen, but I was still hoping for some hint that it pained him to share. “You’re still offering me like an extra blanket.”

“Don’t pout,” Loki admonished and stroked my hair. “I can see you’re irritated, and I have no idea why. Would Valin treat his dear sister poorly when he is so fond of her?”

He dropped his mask so that I could look into his own face. A smile, and then a hand on my neck, pulling me in close. I let him kiss me for several long pulls but then backed away as his fingers found the hem of my skirt.

"Not here. Not now. The window's open and the walls are so thin here."

He rested his lips behind my ear where they triggered goosebumps. "You're afraid you'll make too much noise?"

That was easy to answer based on past history. "Well, yes."

"Easily remedied."

I opened my mouth to argue how, I felt the words rumble in my chest but nothing came out. I let out a breath, felt it push past my teeth, but no sound. Panic surged and I pummeled at him with my fists. _Fix this!_ I said in my mind, hoping he could pick up on it or at least see the fear in my eyes. I didn't like this feeling of being trapped and helpless. It wasn't something I had to experience in a while. Of all places, I thought of being back in the interrogation rooms, but this time I had the ability of movement. As his hand slid up my leg, I stood up and reached for a candlestick on the table behind me, pointing the flame at him and dripping the wax onto the floor in heavy, red blood drops.

"Just indulge me?" he asked with his most compelling smile, but I shook my head so strongly the room began to spin. "A moment or two? This is our last night before you go to Fandral. I'll be all alone without you to keep me warm, dear sweet one."

I remained in the middle of the room, torn between wanting to head straight for the door, but being unable to leave Harry behind.

"Very well," he said at last with a drop of his shoulders. "I thought it could be an exciting experiment, but not like this.”

I exhaled and this time I heard my sigh of relief. "Damn it, Lo..." The walls were too thin and I was speaking too loudly in response to having my vocal chords neutralized. "Look. You can't just make decisions like that without my consent."

I knew him too well to expect an apology. He simply turned away, his clothes fading away with each step, and laid himself in the bed. All the candles extinguished. Without such magic, I wrestled in the dark with the ties on my dress that Loki usually took care of and then slipped in on the other side. Even though I thought about inching over closer to him to see if he'd soften a little, I knew the argument would continue, neither of us relenting. Looking over at his pale back in the moonlight, I knew there was no point. He wasn't human. Maybe I was placing standards on him he would never accept. And I loved him. Why? I waited for the ceiling to give me an answer until I fell asleep.

*-*-*


	4. Chapter 4

My first experience with interdimensional travel spoiled me toward other methods. Loki and I had waded into the ocean only to about our knees before we reached Jorgamundir. Though imposing was too weak a word for the sight in front of me, Harry just laughed as we approached and reached out with his little hands to slap the side of the serpent. I was afraid he'd cut himself on the shining point-edged scales, but when I was told to ascend onto his back, I found they were as soft as old leather. I climbed until I reached the top, still able to see the shoreline at a disturbingly close distance, but no one was focused on us. Harry and then Loki followed.

"There are other ways, of course," said Loki as he took in the view. "But this was the most convenient."

"How do we hang on?" I asked. Everywhere I could see was smooth. The transition from air to water would be enough to shake us loose and I hadn't even brought up the question of how we were going to breathe.

"No need," he replied and lowered himself and stretched his legs out, his elbows behind his shoulders and his face toward the sun as if we were on a picnic. Harry pulled me down to join them.

"Fun, mama?"

That was the last word on my mind as the muscles underneath us began to tense and we glided forward in line with the waves. I looked at Loki but he remained unconcerned.

_He trusted you to take him where he needed to go, now you do the same for him._

We were far from home in no time, I recognized the old pier from the town thirty miles away. Maybe we were going to be taking the party cruise route after all, a right turn at the Bermuda triangle and then we'd be floating in the emerald waters of Vanaheim. I had to admit I had no frame of reference for what was happening. The stories I told Harry took place in one world or another and excepting the Bifrost, no real travel descriptions were in the ones I found.

Harry made a game of running in between us, laughing and screaming. Loki would catch him with one arm and then push him back toward me. I would pretend to cover my eyes to protect myself as he came rushing at me until the last second when I would catch him in a hug and kiss his black hair, so warm under the sun, and send him back. I had just raised my hands when I saw a surge of water collapse on itself close to us.

Harry stopped his run and glared at me. "Mama, be scared!" he ordered.

You didn't have to tell me twice. I gathered him in my lap and held him close as the waves grew higher.

"Is this supposed to happen?" I asked Loki with a tilt of my head as Harry tried to release himself from my grip.

"Almost through," he answered. "Harry? Where are you?"

With a sharp twist, Harry broke free and scampered back to Loki. Large drops of water were falling onto Jorgamundir's back now and it looked as if we were about to head directly into the next wave. Though my mind was telling me to be calm and trust this route, my body knew we shouldn't be anywhere near here and tensed in terror. Something large rose out of the water and my heart stopped, unable to add a new stimulus into the occasion. It took several long moments to realize it had the same texture as the scales beneath me. It had to be Jorgamundir's tail, so long it wrapped around the whole world. I couldn't imagine how it could do that with continents in the way, but it gave my mind something to do besides freeze as I pictured the globe and tried to get him to fit like a puzzle. _Loki knows what he’s doing, Loki knows what he’s doing_ , I made myself repeat as I still heard Harry's giggles and my eyes watched us draw closer to the curtain of water.

As we passed through, I waited for the familiar sensation of plunging into the cold ocean, a memory as old as I was, being a child raised by the sea, but it never came. The sun vanished but even in the new murky jade light, nothing else changed. Harry was still telling Loki a story, Sleeper being used as a cushion beneath him. Loki's hair wasn't waving behind him caught in the currents. I took a deep breath and salt water did not rush into my lungs. We were definitely below the surface. All sorts of life passed along beside, above and below us, though none of them crossed into our space. Loki gave me a proud smile. He knew this would work and I'm sure I entertained him with my paralyzing fear. _Life will be easier when you trust me_ , I could hear him say.

The sea around us grew a deeper green and the creatures now traveling by us were certainly unfamiliar. They glowed and sparkled and left rainbow trails behind them. We had passed the barrier and I was not surprised to see when we rose again to the surface that we were in the emerald waters of Vanaheim as Loki had shown us in the soap bubbles last night. _Oh hell, was it really only last night?_ I asked myself as we were brought to the golden sandy shore.

After that, the travel was more conventional. We mostly walked or traveled by boat, the occasional wagon picked us up. Loki would lead us to innocuous looking cracks in rock or to the knots of trees and then in one step we would be in another realm, from the choking fog of Muspelheim to the raw ruby-tipped mountains of Nidavellir, the lush greenery of Alfheim to the dark desolation of Svartalfheim, but never to Asgard. 

"Seven realms were more than enough to live in," I had been told. "We can even walk through the stars, but never will I set foot in Asgard again."

So with this wealth of experience newly stockpiled in my mind, I had expectations of certain standards. When Fandral stood before me that next morning on the outside of the gates of The Outpost, a shining white stallion behind him, and proudly announced, "This is Firehooves!" I completely lost it. The last thing I saw was his smile fall behind his beard as I began laughing and couldn't stop.

"Sister," Loki warned from behind me. "Are you well?"

I turned to look at him, "Firehooves? You've got to be fucking kidding me?" I managed to tear out of my laughter.

"I know," answered Loki, iron in his voice. "It is a great honor to be asked to ride such a noble steed. You do my sister much honor, Fandral."

Fandral helped Loki's stooped form onto his own, much less impressive, mount and then handed Harry up to sit in front of him. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. There were a hundred ways to screw up this mission and I couldn't do it before we even left.

"My brother speaks the words I cannot," I answered. "I thank you for allowing me to ride with you." I took a deep breath to clear my head and to press my chest out a little further over the leather corset.

Fandral met my eyes eventually. "The pleasure is mine, lady. Shall we go?"

*-*-*


	5. Chapter 5

Firehooves was down to a steady simmer. We were ambling along the elfin valleys, under the pure blue sky, white cotton clouds, and bright green foliage with no stones in the path to cause our horses to stumble. The steady rhythm was pressing me firmly into the space between Fandral's thighs and it was fairly easy to figure out which muscle was not like the others.

Harry screamed and I twisted around to see what could have happened. Once I saw his face, I could see he still hadn't figured out the difference between terror and exhilaration. He was smiling widely, swinging his little feet along the horse's neck and Loki had an arm around him.

"He's a charming child, as far as I have experience with such creatures," said Fandral. "Clearly he gets it from you."

"I don't know about that."

"So what happened to his father?"

The memory of Loki's attempt to silence me the night before still made my blood burn. The worst part was that he simply didn't get it and I couldn't understand why. From the glimpses I had seen inside his mind when we were connected, I knew he knew what it was like to be tortured and restrained and silenced. Maybe he could shake it off, but this was example number eight-hundred and twelve to me of how we couldn't communicate. Maybe I would be better off with someone else to understand me. It was too much to ask of Loki. Was I really stuck with him until Harry was grown or could we manage some outerspace custody schedule? Loki claimed we needed his protection, but I hadn't seen much in the way of danger in the daily life of people not traveling with the universe's threat. Being with him would put us in more trouble than if we settled down in a cottage in Vanaheim after all.

“We wanted different things.”

“Was one of the things he wanted, freedom?”

The easiest lies were the ones based mostly in truth. “Not how you mean it. He would be happy to stay with me but not in the way I want. It’s so stupid, but I want him to feel about me the way I feel about him- I want him to light up when I enter a room and smile just thinking about me, and figure out little ways to make me happy that no one else has tried, but he’s not the flowers and poetry type.”

“But I am- I enjoy a good poesy.”

“Yes, I’m sure, but for how many? Has there ever been just one where you wanted to stop and concentrate on just her?”

He was silent so long I figured he had decided not to answer. “There was once, but she wanted the adventure more than she wanted me. I understand what it’s like when the stars just don’t align, but I am content for now. I still have thousands of years ahead of me, as do you.”

Now that’s where my ruse as a simple girl from Vanaheim would fall apart. “Yes… of course.”

“Your brother is a good man to watch out for you and your son,” he said in what he considered a change of topic.

“Well, his deformations make it impossible to have a family of his own, so he likes to keep us close.” That wasn’t part of the pre-approved script, but I didn’t care about Loki's ego.

“I see.”

“Now that we’re already on our way, can you tell me where we’re going?”

“I don’t know. I can show you, but I had made a promise to never speak of it to anyone.”

I pushed my ass a little further back.

“It’s one of Loki’s old hideouts,” he said quickly. “I’m sure you’ve heard of the disgraced prince of Asgard.”

“Prince?” I said. As much as I was angry with him, I couldn’t let that slight pass. “I had heard he was made king in Odin’s absence.”

“Well… yes… by law… but he had manipulated the circumstances…”

“Few kings haven’t.”

“True, my lady. In any matter, before then, he was quite the collector. The treasures he had stored through the nine realms could make any man a king ten times over. If I wasn’t certain he was dead, I wouldn’t dare- he doesn’t like others touching his things, but now that there’s nothing but dust on them, why not use them? Though, I would not do this for anyone less than your brother.”

“Why do you owe my brother a debt?”

“A year ago he saved my life. I had seen him before, at this tavern, at that camp, but never bothered to catch his name, until that day. I was outside the palace of Asgard. Being guilty of treason, I would not have dared, but after the death of his queen, Odin was a changed man. He spends most of his days now in solitude and those of us who had assisted in the escape of Jane Foster had been pardoned. I had gotten word that Thor had returned, but by the time I arrived, he had gone. Having made my renewed oath of allegiance, I was leaving and really I am embarrassed to admit it. I wasn’t looking where I was walking and I nearly fell through the wall.”

“How can you fall through a wall?” I asked.

“It was freshly repaired from the damage caused by the Dark Elf invasion- and Thor’s escape, truth be told. The mortar was still wet, the stones not as cleanly set as the ones before. The area was weak and not ready to support the weight of a man. I could feel the edge give way, and I tried to leap to the more sure footing, but it was in vain. The stone was beginning to fall away. Then a hand reached out and held me by my cape. Your brother is remarkably strong for so twisted a figure. I was ungracefully brought back from the edge. I offered him anything he wished, but he said he required no payment, as if any amount could be enough. A short journey to Niflheim, and even the contents of Loki’s storehouse, could not begin to repay him.”

“He is surprising like that.” It made perfect sense to me. Without the ease of being able to be himself, Loki needed allies more than he needed treasure, but the location unsettled me. He told me Asgard was off-limits. That would have to be discussed.

We slowed as we approached a small guardpost. Even though it was midday, the sky behind it was black. Oh fun, we were going to take the main road out.

“Business?” asked the man standing in the middle of the road. He was simply dressed and unarmed, but even from my limited experience, I knew there were men stationed in the trees on either side ready for trouble.

“Just returning back to Asgard after a stop in Niflheim to collect from the rivers.”

The man nodded. I had no idea how he could determine if this was the truth, but he stepped aside and let our two horses pass him and continue on the road which grew darker with each step until we were on a lighted branch of the great Yggdrasil. I was glad to not be the one guiding old Firehooves. Being able to see through and down into the vast expanse of cosmos always made me ill. I much preferred Loki’s secret portals.

Fandral noticed my tension. “No need for alarm,” he said, but holding me tighter all the same. “We will be through before long.”

I wanted to talk about something else. “Why are there guards on the borders? I thought every world was quiet right now?”

“I don’t need to tell you while things are peaceful, they’re not easy. It wouldn’t take much to spark old disagreements and ancient resentments.”

Instead of getting brighter, the path was darker without the light of the stars. We took a few steps in pure darkness before the light of torches reached us through the fog. The gatehouse of Niflheim was more casual. The guards waved at us in acknowledgment and returned their hands to their pockets. Almost immediately beyond was a blaze of lighted glass windows. The inn here was much more impressive than The Outpost, tall enough for the upper floors to just be a glow in the mist. I shivered in the sudden cold.

“As soon as we get the horses sorted, we’ll be inside,” said Fandral. “The light only lasts a few hours here, so our journey is already at an end for the day, but there are rooms ready for us. I would have been content with a tent in the valley, but with a woman and child along, best to keep things comfortable.”

Once I was helped down from old Firehooves, I reached for Harry. I knew he was fine, but I felt better with his weight in my arms. 

“Would you like to look around?” I asked him. He shook his head right smack into my nose and it seemed a good a time as any to let the men handle what needed to be handled as we went exploring.

We never got much time alone, just the two of us. I realized it was a crazy thing. When we were alone, I wished for Loki, but it was how we had spent most of Harry’s life. Past the stables was a door leading into the hall and it was three steps beyond the renaissance-fair atmosphere we got on most worlds. This place knew the value of glass and porcelain and clean shining surfaces. I hated to think it, but I guessed this is what it was like on Asgard. Loki still refused to take us, but the people we met as a whole spoke of it with wonder and admiration. With Loki as my guidebook, I wasn’t completely sure why so many people needed to travel to Niflheim and why they were willing to spend so much to spend the night- or most of the day, as it were. There was no way this place was cheap and I wondered who was paying- Loki or Fandral.

They found us in a hall listening to a storyteller, Harry’s mouth smeared with chocolate from a candy rabbit I had him from my own tiny purse. It seemed like a little touch of home in these new surroundings.

“Our rooms have been settled,” said Fandral, taking a seat next to me. “Would you like to go to them now, or would you like to stay a while longer in the crowd?”

It was full in every place Harry and I had wandered. When it was like that somewhere we knew, it was fine, but now it made me feel anxious, waiting and waiting for Loki and Fandral to arrive and join us, and my emotions filtered through to Harry. Instead of racing through the crowd, he had stayed curled on my lap.

“I probably should put Harry down for a rest,” I said.

Harry held out his arms to Loki who picked him up. “I’m afraid the rooms are up high. There are a lot of stairs.”

“I can handle it,” I said and let them lead the way.

The enclosed stone stairwell was lit at every turn with a high-placed torch. It made the space warm and I could feel the smoke settling on me everywhere before we reached the third floor.

“You know, in Midgard, they have boxes on pulleys to take you up and down high buildings as tall as the highest mountain,” said Fandral after two more levels.

“Is that so?” I answered. “They must have very weak legs then without all this fine exercise.”

“I could use a moment of rest,” he declared and pulled me into a dark recess. I could hear Loki’s footfalls continue upward.

“If we stop now, it will be harder to continue on,” I said. “Better to go while our blood is still pumping.”

“Oh, I don’t think my blood will still any time soon,” he replied.

The pre-first kiss butterflies were swarming hard. It had to happen eventually, why not now? Loki didn’t care. Part of me wanted him to appear over Fandral’s shoulder, to pull him back and say no, but it would crack our cover wide open. The other part of me said _let’s get this over with_ and pulled him in by the collar. I may not have a long list of things I’m good at, but I can kiss. When he pulled away, eyes unfocused and a lazy smile on his face, I knew I had another satisfied customer.

“How much further do we have?” I asked, fully in control of my own heartrate and breathing pattern.

“Two? Three more? I’ll know it when we get there,” he said with an embarrassed smile. Earth boys, Asgard boys, they were all the same.

There was no sign of Loki and Harry when we finally reached the right door, but as soon as I threw myself back on the silken blanket there was a knock.

“Yes, Valin?” I heard Fandral say and I lifted my arm from over my eyes.

“I’m sorry to disturb you,” said Loki in his meek voice which never failed to sound screeching and wrong to my ears. “It’s the child. He’s not feeling well and is asking for his mother.”

I was up and in the hall before either of them could say anything else. Loki led the way to a room down the hall and I found Harry curled on the bed, flushed and unhappy.

“What did you do to him?” I said too loudly. Harry winced and covered his ears.

“Whatever do you mean?” Loki answered.

“This kid has never been sick a day in his life. I leave him alone with you and now he has a fever? It has to be you.” I sat on the edge of the mattress and pushed aside Harry’s damp curls.

“Very well,” said Loki, in his faux-defeated tone. “Harry. You can stop now.”

The redness faded from his cheeks and his eyes brightened. “A trick!” he exclaimed.

I turned myself to see Loki. “What?”

“I told you that we had been working on some illusions. Harry is quite natural at it, unsurprisingly as he was created in magic. Some elements don’t even need to be taught. I begin to and before long he’s already ahead of me.”

“What do you mean he was created in magic? You took the spell off of me before that. You said you did. It felt like you did. I thought you couldn’t be born magic, you had to learn?”

Loki flushed with his own fever blush. “Yes, but I…”

“What did you do?”

“You know me. I am not one to give into emotion and sentiment…”

“What did you do?”

He clasped his hands behind his back and took in a deep breath. “In that moment- I don’t believe I need to elaborate on which one, I imagined what it would be like to have a life with you away from all the outside worlds. I pictured us alone, but not for long. Then I pictured a child, a strong son to be proud of.”

“So you can wish a kid into existence?” I asked, trying to politely skip over his admission that he, even if for just a flash, saw us together.

“I don’t think so. It may have just influenced what was already to happen. I hadn’t even remembered it until I came back to you and you presented him, just as I had seen him in that dream. The more time I had with him, the more I saw signs of magical potential. He can become great in time.”

“Greater than you?” I asked, curious if his ego would come back strong now in compensation for the previous weakness.

“He may be,” Loki answered, looking down at the now-sleeping Harry with love. Turning his eyes to me, he added. “If you would like to stay here a little while, I’m sure Fandral will be slumbering before long. He was quite accepting of ale in the tavern before we found you. You can be spared your indignity for now.”

And sympathetic Loki was long gone. “And who set me up for this? I thought the point of this deal was that I had to sleep with him in return for a trip to somewhere that’s not a secret.”

“Forgive me,” he said. “I forgot you were looking forward to being bored as he bores into you. Go ahead and leave then. At least your room is far enough away that you won’t disturb the child.”

“Don’t act like this is just me. You know you’ll be doing the same thing the moment an opportunity presents itself.”

_Screw him_ , I thought as I left the room. _Harry can sleep through anything. I’ll make as much noise as I damn well please._

Almost as much noise as Fandral’s snores as I entered to find him stretched out in peaceful repose all the way across the bed. With a heavy sigh, and a sneaking suspicion Loki planned this, I curled up in a chair by the window that looked out onto nothing but dimly lit fog.

*-*-*


	6. Chapter 6

I woke to the sound of bells. My arm stretched out to find the snooze button but instead hit flesh.

“No need for distress, lady,” said Fandral from my right.

Opening my eyes, I saw plenty to be distressed about. Fandral was curled up next to me on the bed under a heavy fur. How did I get here? A run of my other hand under the covers told me I was still dressed though I could see my leather corset lying on the chair where I was certain I fell asleep.

“What was that for?” I asked.

“It marks two hours before the sky lightens. It’s to give the travelers time to prepare for the next part of their journey.”

“What about the people who aren’t making another stop in their journey?”

“Then I suppose they just cover their heads with a pillow,” said Fandral.

“Should we get up?” I knew we had further to go. There was no way Loki would hide his treasures in plain sight.

“Plenty of time.”

Fandral reached for me and pulled my body to his under the heavy cover. He began with a kiss to my temple, then my cheek and below my ear. Of course, there had been men before Loki, just how many I’m not willing to say, but when Fandral started to kiss me I could only compare it to my most recent experiences. Loki was, surprisingly I know, not fond of nuzzles and pecks on the forehead. When he kissed me, he was staking a claim or using it to persuade me to his way of thinking.

The tension that I had been straining under since I first woke up eased as I let myself enjoy the novel sensation of affection. This wasn’t pent-up passion finally spilling over, but a more casual _you’re here, I’m here, let’s fuck_ and I was down with that. No tears threatening to reveal themselves as I focused on Loki, no fear of waking Harry, no fear of making Harry a big brother since Loki had made me drink this steaming mug of awfulness that morning at The Outpost which he swore would last for a month.

If it was bad, we’d be parting soon enough, and if it was good, then at least that would piss off Loki and maybe he’d think twice before suggesting this tactic again.

I turned to Fandral and let myself feel my heart race, each of us breathing shakily through the mouth and reveling in the anticipation of something new, of someone new. I was enjoying the attention, I swear I was. Ruddy complexioned and blonde, Fandral was nothing like Loki. That made it so much easier, along with his timid touches and requests for permission to cross borders and remove clothing took me back to the boys afraid of leaving evidence behind on the backseat of Mom’s station wagon and a time when it was considered a privilege to hold me and not a right.

But as I felt Fandral’s hands on my raised knees as he centered himself between my legs, I felt my eyes begin to close.

_No, you don’t! You stay right in this moment. You’re not going anywhere else._

I made myself focus on the darkened damp hair clinging to his neck and the feel of the fur bedcover under my back and certainly not on how I had never been tempted to close my eyes with Loki, unwilling to miss a second.

The bells rang again, shorter this time.

“One more hour before the light,” said Fandral, stretched out on his back naked beside me. “Luckily, we have no need to pack and can depart swiftly.” He let the weight of his hand trail his fingers along my body. “While I think we have time for another, I’m sure you would like to prepare and spend this time with your son before we leave.”

“Thank you,” I answered. “I would.”

“Sleep well?” asked Loki as soon as we met in the hall. “I know that lazing under the rhythmic pace of a mindless beast can be quite soporific.”

“I didn’t sleep much,” I answered. “And I don’t expect to once we make camp either.”

He pressed his lips together as Fandral stepped out of the room behind me all smiles. “Hello, Valin! Rested and ready to press on?”

“Yes, Fandral. The child and I are eager to continue.”

“Excellent!”

“Harry has learned to make dragons from hearth smoke,” said Loki to me as I followed him into the room where our son was waving his hands at ephemeral creatures, wiping their tails away or declawing them as they batted back at him.

“I’m sure that will come in handy some day,” I answered.

“All magic has to be built upon a foundation of a basic knowledge of the universe in order to manipulate it. Yes, this will be useful to him. Unlike some of the tricks you know.”

“Don’t you get all prissy with me now. You’re no angel. I haven’t forgotten the scratch marks on your ribs after that one trip you made to Vanaheim. Harry exists because at one point you had an appreciation for my skill set,” I answered.

Harry stretched his arms out for me and I gladly picked him up. “Are you hungry?”

“I fed the boy,” said Loki. “I am competent.”

“That’s about the nicest thing I’d say about you right now.” I looked Harry in the eyes. “ Let’s go downstairs and then the boys can find us when it’s time to go back on the horses.”

Harry began to chatter on about horses. Loki made no move to stop us. Good, he knew better than to try. I needed some time away from both of them. The crowd rushing to make the most of the fleeting light filled every public space. Harry and I were lucky to find a chair in the corner. There was no chance of any of the servers seeing us in the shadows, but our chances wouldn’t be much better closer to the bar. We could wait.

As I watched the throng- varying humanoid forms- one of the bigger disappointments I found in our space travel, I bounced Harry on my knee and thought about how he was going to fit in this universe. _If it takes my last breath, you’re not going to be an asshole_. I wanted to add _like your father_ , but my conscience couldn’t let me. Loki was Loki. We wouldn’t even be here if he didn’t care in his own way. He could have left us to the mercy of S.H.I.E.L.D. He was a free man, he didn’t need to come back at all, but he had found a place for us in his life, as peripatetic as it was, and never once had he complained about Harry. Even though he was a great kid, he was still a toddler and there were certain moments I’d swear Loki should have headed for the door, but he showed great patience and the light in his eyes when they were together made me proud and a little jealous. I knew Loki would never look at me like that, so I needed to stop hoping for it, for Harry’s sake. He needed Loki. He needed his father to show him how to navigate through all these worlds and teach him all his tricks and conjures. I was an adult. Loki had come up with this scheme with Fandral, but I had agreed to it. I had made this bed and I had to lie in it the next few days.

I had an excellent resource in front of me, or rather behind me, as we continued on our way through a misty dawn.

“Tell me more about Loki,” I asked as I saw a wide empty road before us, nothing ahead to take away Fandral’s attention. “You spent a lot of time with him. What was he really like?”

Fandral sighed theatrically. “The ladies always want to know about Loki. Each thinks she will decipher the clues correctly and restore him to his humanity.”

“Well, since he’s dead, I won’t have that problem.”

“True,” agreed Fandral. “I must say, since we are speaking freely, that I always did admire his fearlessness. Loki could have been easily dismissed as weak, relying on his mother’s magic, but he fought as hard as any of us. Unfortunately, that meant he fought relentlessly for the wrong things at times, but in the end, he was as heroic as his brother.”

I had a feeling Loki wouldn’t appreciate this eulogy. I knew how he felt about his brother, whom he loved despite his similarity with the father who couldn’t love him, or wouldn’t allow himself to love him, I secretly thought. Loki wasn’t the only one who knew it was best to withhold emotion for strategic reasons.

“And then there was his love of mischief and pleasure,” continued Fandral. “He could cause sapling trees to bend themselves to whip him with their branches, stones formed and shaped thousands of years ago would shift to accommodate him. Everyone knows about the horse…”

“And you?” There was a tone in his voice I couldn’t place and I couldn’t turn to read his face.

“A gentleman does not reveal such things.”

Busted. “I thought we were honest with each other.”

“In my defense, it was a ruse.”

“If I had a nickel…”

“Pardon?”

“Nothing.”

“We were in Nidavellir, at the end of a long day. The dwarves had given us a barrel of ale in thanks. If we had known the strength of the ale or what effects it would have upon us, we may have refused, though that may have brought about another skirmish. We drank around the fire late into the night, as we often did, but as I retired to my tent, the Lady Sif, or so I thought, followed soon after. I did not question this though it was quite out of character for her. She made it known she would not entangle herself with her brothers in arms, though there was a wager amongst us. I thought about the winnings of that wager and the attentions of her body more than the voice behind my ear telling me this was wrong.

“When I stepped out of the tent, I found myself face-to-face with real Sif, and heard Loki’s laugh behind me. He joined the group, still wearing her nude form. _Now is it your turn?_ he asked her. _You know you’ve always wanted to. Not if you are the price of it, Loki,_ she answered and I was certain she was going to reach for her sword. _I always knew you would rather a shaft in your hand than use your mouth_ , Loki replied and everyone laughed, but instead of striking a blow, Sif stepped forward and kissed Loki on his, which were her, lips, then dips to the mirror of her breast as her hand slips… lower. It is an image that I will never forget for all my days. Loki was enjoying it, but then Sif lets go, says now she’s done it, turns to Volstagg and asks if all his appetites are insatiable and then pulls him into her tent. They make noise for hours. In the morning when we are all overtaken by a level of discomfort that can only be expressed in silence, Volstagg returns shaky, but beyond the press of gold into his hand, no one ever mentions it again and the next time we were offered dwarf ale, we turned the whole barrel into the sea.”

 

“He is fond of shapeshifting,” I said, taking in what I had heard. “From the other tales that are told.”

“He was comfortable in any form except for his true nature. Understandable.”

“What?” I asked. This is where my study of folklore let me down.

“I’m sorry, I’m sure you’ve never seen a Jotun. They are hideous creatures, red-eyed as if burning straight from the fires of Muspelheim, skin blue as a frozen ocean, born scarred and repulsive.”

“They sound awful,” I said, guessing as to what Fandral wanted to hear, but now I was curious. He was right. Jotuns didn’t appear in the places we traveled, and we were not allowed to join Loki the few times he had gone to Jotunheim.

“I hope you never meet one.”

Met one. Procreated with one. That bridge was well and burned, though now my mind went to how he didn’t know before, how Harry looked the way he did as half-Jotun. I had new questions to ask.

“I have some sympathy for Loki,” Fandral went on. “To find out you are one of the creatures you’ve been raised to fear and eliminate, that those closest to you knew and still let you entertain those thoughts for over thousands of years, but Loki’s plan to erase his past so he could truly be Asgardian by eliminating Jotunheim; that’s not how we do things.”

Now I had to speak up. This was something I knew enough about.

“How is that? From what I heard, Thor was ready to wipe them out over attempted robbery? Clearing out a threat seems to be an acceptable excuse for genocide when someone else does it. Bor tried to wipe out the Dark Elves and Thor actually did.”

“Well...” said Fandral after an awkward pause. “We thought they were already gone, and they were trying to annihilate us as well.”

“And that makes it ok? One whole world is empty now.” This gave me an idea.” Have you been to Svartalfheim since?”

“No,” answered Fandral. ”I would have offered to go and retrieve Loki’s body, but I was still keeping myself far from Asgard at that time, and I did not learn of his fall until much later. There’s nothing there now, and no reason for anyone to visit.”

I believed him. One less suspect down.

The sun was already fading. Along the side of the road, we set up a quick camp, a line thrown between tents to keep any of us from making the wrong step in the wind and the darkness, never to be seen again.

“The child is well,” said Loki with his back turned to me as soon as I entered their tent. “No need for you to interrupt your liaison to ensure his wellbeing.”

“I came to see you,” I answered, though I did kneel by Harry’s bed to stroke his hair as he slept. I had hoped he would still be awake so I could hear what he thought about all the new things he had seen and maybe he could see one more.

“I find that unlikely.” He head tilted and now he turned to face me. “Unless you have learned something as that jabbering jayhawk attempted to entertain you?”

“I’ve learned a lot of things. Some you’ll want to know and some I think you didn’t want me to know.”

Loki smiled his spider smile. “What would I keep from you, dear one?”

“I want to see you as you really are.”

*-*-*


	7. Chapter 7

With a quick glance at the tent flap, his spine straightened, his hair tamed itself, and his eyes unclouded and stared at me, amused.

“Is this better? Has that peacock caused you to wish to look upon a real man again? I will sate you if that’s what you need.”

Now his clothes were gone as well. The tent was sturdy but it didn’t keep out all of the raging winds. I was shivering still in my heavy cloak. He had to be freezing, unless that was part of the frost giant constitution.

“Don’t distract me,” I answered. “You know what I mean.”

“No,” Loki said and dressed again. “Now if that was all you wanted, you are free to return to your companion.”

“I thought we were beyond hiding from each other. “

“I have my reasons.”

While I didn’t think he’d smile and say of course and turn blue, I wasn’t expecting this shut down.

“I’m not going to think of you differently,” I said, trying to appeal to his ego. “I know you, Loki.”

“Do you think this is _un conte de fées? La belle et la bête_? You expect that in return for your loyalty, you will see your prince turn into a beast? I will not show you just to satisfy your curiosity.”

I knew I shouldn’t push it, but I wanted some confirmation that we still had a connection beyond Harry. I hadn’t felt it lately and I needed it back. I stepped closer to him and reached up to run a finger along his cheekbone. “I know I can’t sweet talk you into revealing this. I know it’s a delicate subject, but you have an advantage over me. “ I waited while he scoffed at my choice of the singular. “You see me as I am every day, I don’t have a way to conceal. You’ve trusted me with your life before and I just was hoping you’d trust me with this, too. Not just because of you, but for Harry, too.”

I had said the wrong thing. Loki stepped back from me, forcing my hand away from his face. “Again, I refuse your request. Please leave.”

My heart folded in on itself. “Loki, I’m sorry. I won’t ask again. I get it, I’m a lowly Midgardian you knocked up. You don’t owe me anything.”

I wished I had a space of my own where I could just curl up around Harry and let his peaceful breathing calm me until I could sleep, but Loki wanted me gone and Fandral was waiting, not expecting extra company. I bent down to give Harry’s forehead a kiss. Life was easier when it was just the two of us.

I could hear Loki approaching and I turned to head to the door before he forced me out. “I know, I’m leaving.” He was not going to see my tears and the wind would dry them before I reached my tent.

“I refuse not for my sake,” he began. “I would show you and watch you shrink back in fear, as I am sure your lover has described the Jotun form to you, how they are called upon as the bringer of nightmares. I will not show you because I will not have you change how you feel about Harry. It is one thing to know your beloved child is half monster, and another to see it. Odin saw me as I truly was, and though he did rescue me, I cannot deny that, he knew from that first moment that he could never love me, and I can’t take away the love Harry so truly deserves.”

I knew I should argue, that I should be insulted that Loki thought anything could change how I felt about my own child, how he didn’t know me at all if that was even an option in his mind, but all I could feel was the distance between us further than ever, and I walked out into the blackness where I felt I belonged.

*-*-*


	8. Chapter 8

Anyone who knew Loki found it hard to be surprised by his methods, but even I worried when I saw Fandral stride off the side of the mountain. I began to turn and ask Loki if that was supposed to happen, but after last night it was easier to walk onto air than let him know I wanted guidance. Still, it was a relief to find my foot landed on solid ground, but my heart stopped when I heard Harry begin to race behind me, then a thud, and Loki's voice saying, "Not so fast, little one. You have to enter in just the right spot.”

When Harry passed me, I lifted him up and sat him against my hip. "You don't need to touch any of this."

The way the light bent to give the illusion of empty space outside also illuminated the cave so that we could see all of the items lined up on the natural rock shelves and alcoves.

"The unclaimed inheritance of the Jotun prince," proclaimed Fandral. I wanted to reach for Loki with my free hand as I saw his body tense, but I knew it would be unwelcome. "I believe what you are searching for, Valin, is right this way."

He led Loki away and I walked along, not knowing what most of the items were. You'd think the gold and the jewels would be obvious, but Loki was never one to focus on wealth. These had to have value beyond their components. Harry reached out with eager hands, but I kept him held back. There was too much of a risk there was magic trapped within them. I wished Fandral wasn't around, so Loki could describe everything to me. I could see the pride in his eyes as he would tell me how he had managed to take off with this trinket or that bauble. Surely there were things here that no one knew was missing.

Their voices were further off now. The light didn’t reach to where they had walked. The rows upon rows of Loki’s collection began to hold less interest as they became stranger and more alien, but we stopped suddenly when Harry squealed and tried to reach for the line of glass-encased Alfheim feather blossoms. There were ten of them with a gap in the center free of the light film of dust that covered everything else. The gift had come from here after all.

I turned my head and stretched out on my toes to try and locate the two men, but now I couldn’t even hear them. The sky outside began to change and I wondered if we had already reached the end of their day, but the darkness did not increase and soon large snowflakes began to fall. This was still a novelty to Harry and me, so we sat at the edge of the entrance and watched it in wonder. The air became so quiet compared to the heavy rains we were used to. Harry settled into my lap and I pulled a piece of Vanaheimr fruit similar to an apple out of my bag and handed it to him.

We had made it to the hiding place. Loki’s plan had worked. If Fandral had led someone else here, it would be easy to find out who. Loki would not be pleased that he was right, that Fandral would expose his storehouse to anyone, but what else could he expect? To all the nine realms, he was dead and gone, his claim to all of this was forfeit. Now would Fandral allow his friend Valin to take what he chose? How did Loki think he was going to get anything out of here otherwise? I was certain he had taken all of this into consideration, the last thing he needed was a stupid hanger-on asking him obvious questions.

With the quiet and the familiar warmth of Harry against me, I fell asleep at the edge of the cavern and dreamed of a life where I woke up in a bed every morning to the calm and steady breathing of Loki beside me.

A crash and a curse woke me and I jumped up, ready to fight. Harry was seated on one of the stone ledges, taking the place of a golden bowl that was now spinning on the ground. Loki lunged for him to sweep him away.

“Child, no!” He held Harry out at arm’s length. “You touch nothing in here unless I deem it so! I would scar your hide for this!”

I couldn’t see Harry’s face, but I saw him tremble and heard him begin to wail. For one flash, Loki’s face was all terror. Harry had never been afraid of him, none of Loki’s rages had been directed his way before. It passed and Loki turned cold steel eyes on me. “Woman, control your child.”

I was already close enough to pull Harry away. I twisted to keep him at a distance. “Or what? You’ll scar my hide? Do it. I’m not afraid of you.”

“That is one of your failings. You should be.”

“Friends, friends” said Fandral. “This is nothing.” He picked up the bowl and returned it to its position. “See, all mended.”

We stood there, glaring at each other, anger tensing our stances.

“Are we done here?” I asked Fandral.

“We are,” he answered. “We should have just enough time to return to our camp before dark falls. Why don’t you and the child stay with me for the night?”

“I think that would be best,” I answered and as we walked out, I once again began to plan for a life without Loki.

*-*-*


	9. Chapter 9

I should have lifted something from the cave. Just one of those items could buy us a new life, I was sure of that. I should have walked through while the men were still away and plucked anything from its place, threw it into my bag, ready to part ways once we were free of Niflheim. This day was inevitable. I should have taken steps to ensure our future. Would Loki care? About Harry, maybe, or the missing relic, but not me. He could track us down for his pride, at the least take back the item; at the worst, threaten to take Harry away to turn him into a dealer in mischief and teach him to not trust and never love. I would risk it though. Harry was never going to experience fear within his own home if I could help it.

Except that I could never steal from Loki. I had never taken anything from anyone and I was not going to start now. Also, as much as I fantasized it could be, I knew nothing would net us enough money to return back to Earth. S.H.I.E.L.D. would not be deterred so easily. If we were there, they would find us. We had eight other worlds to choose from, though. The quiet desolation of Svartalfheim had grown on me, even if it might not be the best place to raise a child. A job at The Outpost or something similar would be best; simple rooms to come back to at the end of the day, my keep earned and chances for Harry to be part of a community. The days of my own private swimming pool and cable tv were gone forever, and apparently, I could find crap relationships anywhere in the universe, but it could be worse. By the time I woke the next morning, I was ready. Harry and I would continue on with Fandral to Vanaheim, leaving Loki at the inn that night, and once we were there, Fandral would continue on his way and we’d start looking for a new home.

I had worried that Fandral would not want to go along with this plan, but he hadn’t even waited for me to finish the details.

“Of course,” he said. “You never seemed to me to be a woman content to follow around a man, especially after today. There is a place for anger and aggression, but never toward a child. I will see you safe to Vanaheim.”

We were the only ones on the plain when we set out the next day. I scanned the horizon, but there was no sign of Loki. Had he left us before we left him? I should have felt relief, but what I felt was anger. How would he know I made the choice to take him out of my life, if he did it first? All of that concern for Harry had been a trick, I knew it. The novelty had worn off. He had certainly been told who had accompanied Fandral on his last trip to the cave, so he knew who left the flower and there was no need to pretend to be concerned for our safety.

Fandral saw my puzzled expression. “Valin has set out early to conduct some business. He will meet us at the inn tonight.”

“Doesn’t matter if he does,” I answer. “It would make it easier for us if he can’t.”

“He is family,” said Fandral. “You should at least explain.”

That Hallmark bullshit was never going to work on me. “Family is coincidence. I didn’t ask him to be part of my life forever. Most days it’s more of a burden than a blessing.”

“Very well,” he replied. “Either way, we should begin.”

We were not doubling back to the inn and gatepost through we had entered Niflheim. There was another at a branch that was closer. Not as grand as the first inn, warned Fandral, but comfortable and the trip to Vanaheim would be easy afterward. He knew of a place that might be suitable, a tavern in a trading village near a forested pond known for its clear and warm waters. It almost sounded too good to be true, so I held off on my enthusiasm until I could see it for myself, but I spent the journey imagining us there- Harry and I and sometimes a man I purposely refrained from giving any features. It passed the time as Harry jabbered in front of him and Fandral sang behind me. Too bad he was stuck on someone else. I had started to like him and decided it wouldn’t be a bad thing if he decided to stop by every once in a while once we were settled.

So, for the most part, I was content when we arrived at the little inn. It lay in the shadows of a very tall mountain, or at least I assumed by the base. It didn’t stretch very high before it was overtaken by mist. Harry had gotten tired of all the travel and had begun to squirm and no matter how often I tried to tell him that we were almost there, he began to fuss louder and louder until he was in full-blown tantrum by the time we stopped.

“I’ll settle the room and find you at the tavern?” said Fandral as he led our friend Firehooves away.

Harry squealed in delight and wrenched himself from my grip. I turned to see him running full-speed into Loki’s waiting arms.

“No,” I said, making my way over to them. “Give him back.”

Loki smirked as well as he could in that face. “Come now. The child has forgiven me, you should as well.”

“That’s because he doesn’t know what cruelty is. But I do and you do too, so it’s not something I threaten idly. If you could cause Harry pain then this is the last day you see him.”

Loki held Harry tighter and walked away from the crowd at the main door. “No. Neither do I threaten, but it was meant to scare the child and that’s all. That bowl- if you look into its reflection, you will see the cause of your death, and I did not want him to experience that. There were many objects that react to mere touch, but I could not show myself to be too familiar with any of them in the presence of others.” When he saw that I was not sympathetic, he stepped closer to me and in the shadows changed back to his default form. “Lyssa, I would never harm him. This is the longest I’ve been allowed with one of my children. I would not do anything to take him from me.”

“Or if you did, you’d take him from me,” I replied.

“No. I would never. He belongs with you. I am grateful that you allow me this time. If I thought my presence would put our son in danger, I would leave. He will never suffer as we have.”

This was what I wanted to hear. I would continue to watch him like a hawk, but I wanted to hear him say that Harry’s safety, even from himself, was the most important thing.

“You don’t want him to be afraid of you, though. You need to teach him other ways.”

Loki reached out to sweep my hair from my face. “This is why he needs us both. I have little experience with such things.”

Loki admitting he didn’t know something was the Holy Grail of argument-enders and Harry was beginning to squirm being pressed so close between us in the dark.  
“May I take him tonight?” asked Loki. “You only have this one left with your companion and I’m sure he’s expecting a proper farewell.”

For a moment I had forgotten about Fandral. It had just been the three of us again, but Loki was right. I needed to tell him my plans, if not necessarily canceled, had at least been postponed.

I walked into the tavern to ask the woman at the bar if she had seen him. He had not been waiting for us anywhere I could see.

“Excuse me?”

She turned and though there were twenty years etched into her, there was no mistaking the face of my mother.

*-*-*


	10. Chapter 10

I guess she wasn’t in Texas after all.

“What can I do for you, bright eyes?”

For a panicked moment, I feel like she’s recognized me as well, even though the last time we met was when I was ten and it was by accident. Dad decided he needed to take my brother and me out for ice cream one especially hot summer night when the sun wouldn’t set and there was nothing to do but lie as still as possible and hope the darkness would bring the slightest chill. She had stumbled out of the restaurant next door, clutching on the arm of a man for balance.

“Robert!” she had squealed, nearly tripping over us. Dad tried to walk away, but she was insistent. “Robert, is that you?”

My brother and I kept our backs to the wall, not daring to move and catch her attention, though I could see him wanting to.

“I thought you were in Nashville, Jasmine,” said Dad.

She laughed. “Nashville is old news. Everyone’s in Austin now. Headed that way this weekend unless something else sounds better.”

“Patrick, Alyssa, say hello to your mother.”

No, he wasn’t supposed to remind her, and she certainly needed reminding. She stared at us as if she should know who we were, but couldn’t quite place us. She turned back to Dad.

“You’re shitting me. They’re so big!”

I wanted to hide myself behind my brother or Dad or make a run for the ice cream shop, even though my urge for a bubblegum cone was dead and gone. I needed to be anywhere but under her watch.

“Have you been a good girl?” she asked me and all I could do was nod. “Don’t worry, that will pass soon enough. Nothing happens if you’re good. There’s no prize at the end. You’ll get more done if you’re willing to be a little more flexible.”

The man at her arm laughed at this and I took her moment of distraction to leave her line of sight.

“What about you, Pat? Still planning to be a pirate?”

He had grown out of that phase years ago. Now he was determined to be fireman, but even he could see that answer wouldn’t please her and the quickest way out of this was to make her happy.

“Yes,” he replied and was rewarded with a loud cackle of delight.

“The court’s going to need your new address if you’ve moved,” said Dad.

“I’ll take care of it,” she answered. Her face lost its sparkle. She never did do well when it was time for serious matters.

“Come on, Jaz, let’s go,” said her companion and started to lead her away.

She did not resist. “I’ll find you a wooden leg for your birthday,” she called out. “Every decent pirate has one.”

The next month there was no package for Patrick’s birthday, or then again at Christmas. Dad asked the court to track her down, but no one ever found her. It was easier to tell people she was dead and gone. There was no point in arguing with those few who found out the truth and pressed that there had to be an underlying reason why, that she had to still love us. I knew better.

And now as I stood before a rough-hewn bar in a corner of Niflheim, I had to admit this was a good excuse.

“I was looking for someone,” I said to her.

“A man?” she asked with a smile on her lips. “It’s usually a man. They’re never where you left them.”

“Yes, actually, my traveling companion. He was going to stable the horse and meet me here, but I don’t see him.”

“You do know there are some enterprising whores that work the stables? It saves the cost of a room for those in a hurry. Maybe he’s been delayed?”

She was trying to shock me, and she had succeeded. I hadn’t known that and I did remember that Loki and Fandral had taken a while to meet up with me and Harry last time, but the last thing I was going to do was give her any reaction.

“Anything’s possible,” I replied.

She liked that. “Good. You’re not one of those who idealizes men.” She tilted her head and stared at me but there was no spark of recognition. “There’s something about you. Midgard?”

I nodded.

“Me too. I’m usually pretty good at guessing. I bet you followed some guy here who promised you the world, but all you got was fog and horse shit. I guess if you don’t know any different, this looks pretty exciting, but you and me know what we gave up- the little luxuries that none of those folks even consider. Lucky for me, my guy was just as big on keeping things casual as I was and we went our own ways before too long. I keep a gig til I get bored and then I move on. It’s the only way to live.”

“I hear that,” I find myself saying. “No attachments, no regrets.”

She poured me a shot of something blue and oily and I slammed it down before asking what it was.

“To Midgard,” she said and downed her own glass.

I could have asked her how long she’d been traveling and I could ask her about what she left behind, but as I watched her, I realized I didn’t want to know. Nothing she had ever told me had ever given me any peace, now was not the time to start.

I heard the familiar step of Fandral’s boots on the stone floor and began to speak, but not before catching the expression on my mother’s face. She dropped at least ten years she was smiling so genuinely. It was a look I’d never seen before and it nearly made me doubt her identity.

“Jasmine, what are you doing here? I thought you had settled in Asgard.”

“Oh, Fanny, you know that place is too stuffy for me. I can’t be myself somewhere like that.”

Fandral turned to me and I could see this was not the time to make introductions.

“Thanks for the drink,” I said and took myself off the stool.

“Any time,” she answered. “Good luck finding your young man.”

She and Fandral bent her heads close together and began to whisper. He reached out to wrap a strand of her hair around his fingers, and the moment that had been merely awkward before now became stomach-churningly dysfunctional. Was my mother Fandral’s one that got away? I wanted to rewind time and not go into the tavern at all, to stay with Loki and Harry and never know any of this, to push it back even further to never agree to Loki’s plan at The Outpost and never even say hello to Fandral.

There was a chance I was overreacting, but when Fandral found me sitting on a bench outside the inn and pressed a coin into my hand, I knew I had guessed right.

“Remember when I said there was a woman…” he began.

“I get it,” I said, cutting him off, not needing to know anything resembling details.

“This is for you to have your own room for tonight. I know I had agreed to take you and your son to Vanaheim, but this was an unexpected meeting. It would be too much to ask you to share with your brother after yesterday and the innkeeper has assured me there are still rooms open.”

The gold was heavy in my hand. I could get a room and still have some left over, or I could just keep it for a rainy day. A bed wasn’t everything. Maybe I could go see how the stable whores managed.

“I understand.”

Fandral smiled. “I knew you would. Farewell, my lady.”

I kept my eyes to the floor as I knocked on Loki’s door. The innkeeper had let me know which one was his. Today was enough without also seeing his triumphant expression. We had made up with regards to Harry, but I was certain he was still less than pleased with me.

“Could I sleep on the floor tonight? I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

*-*-*


	11. Chapter 11

Loki pushed past me to stare down the hallway. “What has he done? Tell me.”

I could hear doors begin to squeak open. “Can I come inside first?”

He stepped aside and I gathered up Harry in my arms. “How have you been? Did you eat?” Harry was too much of a handful for Loki to deal with in public so they usually ate in their room but I didn’t see any dishes around.

Loki was defensive. “I was about to take care of that. Now tell me why you’re here?”

“I can’t,” I answer.

“Then I’ll beat it out of that cad,” replied Loki.

“Let’s just say he found a better option.”

“Here?” Loki scoffed. “There was finer flesh inside the stables than behind it.”

“Well, you would say that, but I saw it with my own eyes.”

“Well, good,” he said and I looked at him for the first time. “It doesn’t feel right when we’re separated. Now you can watch the child while I fetch supper.”

But I knew Loki could not leave a question unanswered. After we’d eaten and Harry was tucked into bed, he stretched his long legs out on the floor across from me and asked, “Tell me now how he parted with you.”

“I can’t. I don’t want to and you wouldn’t believe me anyway.”

“You’re ashamed?” he asked.

“That’s one of the emotions running through me right now.”

“You’ve intrigued me. I have to know. Shall I go ask him instead?”

“Oh please no,” I begged. I could not have her know who I am and who I was with.

“Would you prefer if I saw it myself?” He motioned with his hand toward my head.

“I can’t put it into words so you might as well.”

I sat myself between his legs and rested my head against his chest. Before long I could feel him rummaging through the drawers of my memory. He saw the woman behind the bar downstairs and Fandral’s full attention on her. Then he saw her younger and meaner, driving away in this car or that, arguing with Dad or my grandparents all hours of the night as I tried to sleep, the times she’d bring me a pair of shoes the wrong size or take me out only to leave me on a bench with a book for hours as she just ‘popped in for a minute.’

“Your mother is here?” he asked once he had left and my mind was my own again.

“Large as life.”

“And Fandral chose her over you?”

“They have a history. And why have the copy when there’s the original.” Yes, I did make myself sick saying that.

“From what I’ve seen you’re worth more than ten of her.”

“Thank you,” I said, feeling calm for the first time since I saw her.

Loki, however, took my relaxation as an invitation. His hands slid over my body and his teeth trapped the edge of my ear. I sat up and pulled away.

“Did you not process anything? I slept with a guy who has before and is now sleeping with my mother.”

Loki shrugged. “I’ve heard worse. In any matter, I am not him.” He reached out for me. “Come now, it’s been far too long.”

“I know this is just another day for you, but I don’t know if I can ever have sex again. The thought is making me ill.”

“Once again,” said Loki. “This was not done by me. I haven’t been on Midgard in years and certainly not where I found you.”

“Then you could have screwed my great-grandmother, or my favorite tree, or a fish I had for dinner once. I’m sorry but this entrance is permanently closed and condemned.”

“I can wait,” he answered and settled back against the footboard of the bed. “I once went to Jotunheim to find my mother. It wasn’t easy. Laufey was dead. This much I knew of course, but Jotuns do not speak of the dead. They are gone and there is no looking back. Great lives and small ones are equally forgotten. I had to go deep into the palace. There is always gossip alive with servants, no matter the culture. I wanted to know if she was a queen who went on to have more deserving sons, those who were encouraged to thrive, while I was thrown out. Instead I found she was a slave girl, put to death for creating an inferior child, neither of us deserving to live. So I am no real child of a king, no real child of any king, a bastard, an afterthought. My claim to the throne of Jotunheim was tenuous and yet Odin would have me believe he could have bargained with Laufey over me. I may as well try to pay a butcher with the scraps he tossed out for the pigs.”

I crawled back over to wrap my arms around him. Yes, he was a sick murderous asshole, and he may have turned out that way no matter what, but everywhere he turned he was met with broken connections and broken promises.

“You’re better off earning what you have anyway,” I said. “Don’t I tell you that? But maybe we can’t escape where we’re from. I’ve tried so hard not to and it looks like I’m still going to end up living my mother’s life, washing out mugs anywhere in the seven realms left and waiting for my immortal to grow tired of me.”

“That is not true,” he answered into my hair. “You would never leave your child behind, not willingly at least. The woman downstairs, the woman Fandral would choose over you, is not your mother. Her contribution to your life is over and you make your decisions. I would never compare the two of you where you would be lacking.”

Despite my earlier protests, I reached up and kissed him on the cheek.

“Now why don’t you join the child on the bed? You should rest.”

“What about you?” I ask. Even though Harry is small, there isn’t room for the both of us.

“He kicks,” answered Loki. “I find it difficult to rest next to him, but there were no other beds available.”

“Only if you’re certain,” I say but it would take quite an argument to get me to turn down the offer.

“I am certain.”

I stretched out on the bed and pulled the cover over the both of us that Harry had already pushed aside. Loki stood and made for the door.

“Where are you going?”

He shifted back into Valin. “You let me know I would not be welcome in you for some time so I must make alternate arrangements. I’ll be in the stables.”

I shouldn’t let myself be surprised. “Well don’t let me know which side of the stall you choose.”

“Sleep well.”

*-*-*


	12. Chapter 12

I awoke with Loki’s arm laying heavy on me. He didn’t reek of whores or horses so who knows where he had really been. On my other side, Harry was splayed out on his back, the covers kicked off him and his limbs everywhere. For being Frost Giants, the two of them certainly put off enough heat to make me sweaty and uncomfortable, but their faces were each so peaceful I couldn’t dare move. It wasn’t selfish to want this forever, was it? I knew continued contentment with Loki was a daydream, like standing on stage at the Opry, or scoring the winning Super Bowl touchdown- a fantasy that was entertaining but could never really come true. It was a thought to keep me company when nothing else seemed in reach.

I brushed back the hair from Harry's damp forehead and tried to lean in to press a kiss against his flushed cheek but as I moved away from Loki, he bent his arm and kept me locked in against him. Loki's hand landed on my hip and his fingers began to trace and twirl as he mumbled into my ear in a language I didn't know- which would be about all of them. I tried to pull free but the only way out was down. I tangled myself up in the discarded covers but eventually managed to free myself and stand at the foot of the bed, my hair wild and my clothes twisted. Not graceful, but successful. I turned to see Loki staring at me. Of course.

"Has the cock crowed?" he asked in a yawn.

"And how would that happen?" I responded. "We're still on Niflheim, so there isn't going to be any sun for ages yet. You have magic, what are you doing depending on an insomniac chicken to tell you when to get out of bed anyway?"

"You're still upset."

"Yes, I am. Please tell me you found out some good news yesterday, especially if it involves moving on from here."

I was caught between never wanting to leave the room again and heading out at first light. Between my infrequent successes into sleep I had convinced myself that Fandral would let something slip- my name, a story I had told him about my life to pass the long hours on horseback, anything that would cause a switch to flip in my mother's head and decide to take another look at the girl from Midgard.

"I know who left the blossom. I could still sense her in the cavern. We are not threatened."

Her. That sounded about right.

"New questions have been raised though. We need to find her."

I looked around for something to do with myself. Loki didn't need to see I wasn't on board with this plan just yet. I lifted a brush from the dresser and began to run it through my hair, but the effect was far from casual as I hit a knot almost immediately that jarred my whole arm.

"If there's no danger, do you really need to take us along? It would be faster and easier for you to go alone."

With me gone, Harry rushed to fill in the space next to Loki. He nuzzled his head on his father's shoulder and dropped his mouth open as he fell back asleep.

"The child needs me," answered Loki. "There's no need to separate."

I wondered if he knew about the plan I had intended on following just yesterday. There were times he had knowledge he shouldn't have. Telling him I didn't want to be around a woman who would leave him a memorial flower sounded childish. I was a woman of the world- several of them in fact, and I had to either accept this was the way things were going to be or start making my own path. This uncertainty wasn't good for anyone.

"Where is she?"

"Vanaheim, for the moment. Luckily, she will not return to Asgard for another week at least. We will be able to find her easily and then our next stop will depend on her answers."

When the bells chimed in preparation for the light, I packed our few belongings- which always made me think of the house full of just stuff I had left behind in Florida and what had happened to it. I would picture dust collecting on everything, fruit losing their shape in the wire basket in the kitchen, the mailbox stuffed with its lid forced open. Then I would picture a team of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents throwing everything into plastic bins, making jokes about my DVD collection or the box hidden under my bed. It was the more likely scenario. There was nothing to return to, no need to go back. I had made the decision for both of us to follow Loki and I had to keep my eyes forward.

We took the road out in the pale light for only a few minutes before we were back into the darkness that led us to the branches of Yggdrasil. In that time, Loki made a change. I could feel the hum of magic as I clung to him and instead of the rough cloth of his cloak, my hands were now dug into soft cold velvet. In the pale light of the tree, I could see golden curls and silver ornaments shining against a robin's egg blue. I could hear Harry giggle and I tried to stretch my neck past Loki's shoulders to see if he had been changed as well, but with a quick and hopefully unintended elbow, I was pressed back in place. The guard at the border to Vanaheim took the papers he was handed and waved us along.

We stopped not long after leaving the main road. A small house was seated beside a stream that fed a small pool where I saw a fish leap into the air. Leaves rustled gently in the breeze.

"Down," said Loki and I slid from the horse. He handed me Harry, who was still the same I was relieved to see. "You two will stay here while I assess the situation."

I eyed the cottage. Smoke was curling from the chimney so someone had to be inside. "Whose is this? Who do we say we are?"

"This belongs to the local devil, which also happens to be me, so others keep well away. I've set a fire and there is food. I'll return tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" I asked. "What is going to take that long?"

"I have to properly give my thanks for her act of remembrance," he answered with a wide-mouthed grin on that warm and golden face.

"And who are you thanking? Who are you thanking as?"

"Not necessary for you to know. No one will be asking you any questions before I return."

"So we're trapped in another small room while you go off on another of your private missions. I thought you said Harry needed you so we couldn't part."

"We're not parting. I shall return tomorrow."

He kicked the horse and it turned back toward the road.

Í guess it’s just you and me again, kid,” I said as I let Harry down to the ground and he took off running toward the pond. This was the type of place I was hoping to end up in when my time of usefulness was over. Real estate agents were likely thin on the ground around these parts, so I wondered how complicated would it be to find something similar. Everything here was so familiar yet so alien at the same time. Loki made it look easy, but he never stayed in one place long enough for me to really see how ordinary life ran its course.

I glanced again at the curl of smoke rising from the chimney. Then again, magic seemed to make common worries disappear. Maybe I needed some of my own.

*-*-*


End file.
